


Let's Get Down to Business

by just_peachy



Series: Batfamily on Vacation [1]
Category: Batman (Comics), DCU - Comicverse
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Humor, batfamily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-17
Updated: 2011-02-17
Packaged: 2017-10-15 18:00:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/163413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_peachy/pseuds/just_peachy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I don't own any of the characters because DC and Disney already do.</p><p>The Batfamily goes on vacation to Disneyland. And the boys get into trouble because they can. I am going to write a companion piece focusing on the ladies later this weekend. So watch out for that.</p><p>Thank you @FuckYeahLongBox for fixing my mistakes. And I hope that you guys like it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let's Get Down to Business

“This place looks like it’s shitting sparkles.”

“Grayson, we could have gone to Six Flags. At least the weather would have been better.”

“Dick, are you sure that the lines aren’t going to be too long?”

We hadn’t even been on one ride and they were already complaining! For the record, it was 69 degrees in Anaheim. In Valencia (where Six Flags is), it was a sunny 75 degrees. I won’t mention why Damian was complaining about 6 degrees and I won’t even mention that it was a Tuesday. There wouldn’t be a lot of people here today. Most people go to Disneyland on the weekends. I won’t mention any of this. Because today was going to be great!

I had a good feeling about today.

“Oh come on guys. This is a bonding thing. Plus Bruce isn’t here to sulk in the corner,” Damian didn’t expect the hug. I heard Jay snort as he looked at Tim who was fighting hard not to smile.

“I’ll let you hold my hand if you get scared on _It’s a Small World_.”

 _“Grayson…”_

Just smile.

“Yes Damian.”

“Put me down this instant. I know 13 different ways to render you unconscious in this position.”

“Wow!” Jason mocked, “ _Only_ thirteen!”

As I put down Damian, he ran up to walk with Jason. Tim gave me a look and I just beamed at him while his eyes met the map again. It was funny listening to the two up ahead on Main Street USA. The lower their voices got the more antagonized their postures became.  I only managed to hear _I hope you’re big enough to go on all the rides, short ass_ and _You should be lucky Grayson paid for your ticket you cheap ass._ Nothing worth listening to, really. Besides…Tim was about to run into—

“—Hey Tim—“

Tim’s reflexes are good, but not enough for that. He stumbled to avoid an elderly couple, but not before losing his footing. He landed on his knees with a slight thud. We’ve survived much worse. But still, I looked at both Jason and Damian, daring them to laugh. They didn’t.

“I wonder if Mickey Mouse is going to kiss that booboo,” drawled Jason.

Spoke too soon.

“You should ask him Jay,” Tim shot back. He swept some of the dust off of his jeans before pointing to the small crowd on the right. “He’s right there.”

Damian looked at the crowd, stifling his laughter. His head tilted slightly before looking back at the rest of us with a frown.

“I wonder why those five-year olds want to take a picture with someone who’s obviously not Mickey Mouse. It’s just some minimum wage failure in a suit,” pondered Damian.

Jason laughed and I knew why.

“At least he’s getting paid,” Tim grumbled. Jason finally stopped laughing when I hit the back of his head.

Tim finally took my hand to get up. He shot a look at Jason, who was still sniggering slightly. No wonder Babs and the ladies went to California Adventure instead of coming here with us. We were in the quote “Happiest Place on Earth.” And no one was happy. Except Jason.

This is a paradox. Or something.

***

 **::babs u have 2 help me::**

 **::::why have they killed each other yet?::::**

 **::nooo but they might::**

 **::::dick, we are going on the ride now ttyl::::**

***

“Who are you texting?” Tim asked.

I put away the phone, “Tim, I don’t know what to do first.”

“Well, I planned out everything already.” He pulled out a map and began to point at various rides. “I just don’t want to go on _It’s a Small World_.”

“Well, I do.”

“Dick, stop acting like—“

“—Like wha—“

We both stopped suddenly as we heard Damian explode with laughter up ahead. There was a kid crying underneath him while I saw Jason looking right at us. A deer in the headlights with some sneakers on. What is this?

“Is Damian… _laughing_?” Tim spoke weakly.

My god, he _was_ laughing.

“What the hell is wrong with him?” Tim faltered.

They both began to run toward us and I felt my stomach start to churn. There were a few Disney security officers converging on us. It was a great time to find my voice.

“WE HAVEN’T BEEN ON ONE RIDE AND YET WE ARE ALREADY GOING TO GET KICKED OUT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS? THIS IS THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH AND NOW WE ARE GOING TO BE ARRESTED!!!”

Figures at least one of us would have a meltdown here.

***

 **::babs don’t tell bruce anything!!!::**

 **::dinah i’m being totes srs::**

 **::steph, we might get arrested::**

 **::CASS HELP::**

 **::BABS DINAH CASS STEPH, SRSLY WE ARE GETTING ARRESTED::**

 **::u guys better b on a ride::**

***

“Listen up all of you—”

“—I’m listening Officer… Robertson,” smirked Jason.

“Jason, shut up,” Tim answered back.

“Make me, asswipe.”

“You two knock it off right now,” I said.

There was a second of silence before Damian spoke first.

“I still don’t know what I did wrong officer. It’s not like there was anything of actual value in that window display,” reasoned Damian.

“No offense Damian,” Tim explained, “But an autographed Walt Disney sketch is a very very valuable thing. And you broke a window. And you started a fight with a five year old.”

“It comforts me that little D can strike fear into the hearts of five year-olds. At Disneyland.”

“Jason, that’s enough,” I paused, “I’ll take care of this.”

I rubbed my face after I handed over one of the Wayne credit cards to the Officer. He began writing everything down while Tim sulked some more. Damian and Jason kept eyeing the door. But Jason kept smiling. It was obvious that they were both thoroughly disinterested in everything the officer was saying to us about the “Policies of the Park” and “Upholding the legacy of Disney.”

Why is this happening?

“As I was saying,” concluded the Officer, “We aren’t going to kick you out of the park just yet.”

I knew I should talk before anyone else got the chance to, “Thank you so much. We won’t waste more of your time.”

Damian mouthed _not worth it_ in my direction. Jason kept smiling, which I didn’t get at all. Tim looked relieved to finally stand.

“Again, we’re really sorry officer,” The rest of us mumbled the same apologies as we began to follow Tim towards the door. I shook the hand of the officer as he gave back the credit card. I couldn’t read his face.

“Sorry Officer,” I began, “For that entire mishap.”

“See that it doesn’t happen again, Mr. Grayson.”

“Well at least we gave you guys something to do this early, right?”

The look on his face told me that I should have just shut up after “Sorry officer.”

***

“Damian did _what_?” Steph said before laughing with Babs. Dinah looked at Cassandra who couldn’t have cared less. She kept eating her fries while looking at Jason incredulously. The chili in his hot dogs managed to splatter over the entire right side of the table.

“That window in the store got in my way,” Damian replied. It was the most obvious answer in the world apparently.

“ _Right_ small fry,” Dinah said thoughtfully. “Windows in stores just happen to get in the way of you scaring some kid half to death.”

“You should have seen him. That kid shoved little D and then BAM!” Jason exclaimed proudly, “It was amazing. Damian was _so_ close and he still missed him.”

Damian’s eyes narrowed and he stopped drinking his soda. Cassandra gave Tim a look while he turned away with a smile.

All Babs could do was look at me kindly before I started eating more of my Buzz Lightyear cheeseburger.

It was only twelve thirty. We could still do this.

****

“See Damian! I told you I’d hold your hand.”

***

“Even though this vacation is all inclusive, I’ll pay for my own nine dollar churro, _Dick_.”

***

“We got the fast-passes for Space Mountain now, so we should go there soon. Jason… _what are you doing_?”

***

“That foolish song is still stuck in my head. I hope you all are pleased with yourselves.”

***

“That it’s time we’re aware—“

“—YOU THREE ARE AN EMBARRASMENT TO THE NAME OF THIS FAMILY!!! WHO SINGS ALOUD IN PUBLIC?!?! NO ONE! STOP RIGHT—“

“—IT’S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL. IT’S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL…”

***

“I’m proud that you guys managed to stay out of trouble,” Babs said. “Even after what happened earlier.”

“You sound shocked,” replied Jason before eating more of his pasta.

“It’s just that, you guys look...” Steph began tentatively.

“What?” Tim grinned, “What do you—“

“—Unlike the people that went to the _other_ park,” Damian said. “I thought that this day was productive. After all, I learned my brothers’ strengths and weaknesses.”

The silence was deafening as Damian reached out to eat one of the last bread rolls from the batch.

“It was a good day.”

As soon as he took a bite, that was it. I began to laugh and saw the smiles forming on Cassandra, then Steph and then Babs’ faces. I heard Jason’s bark of laughter before hearing Tim banging a hand on the table while Dinah held her sides. I could feel the tears streaming down my face as the table exploded with laughter.

“All of you are embarrassing.”


End file.
